My husband, Scott, had broken his neck and back in a terrible and traumatic road-cycling accident. It left him overcoming C5 quadriplegia and me as the sole caregiver and manager for our family of five.
I hesitate to write about the many hurts I felt
from our friends, families, and church homes, because I do not want to seem
ungrateful of the generosity we did receive on so many occasions.
However, there was another side of our
suffering, and lack, that only I saw, being on the receiving end of such well-intentioned
Christians that I believe needs to be brought to light and taught.
I know, in the past (pre-accident), when our
family excitedly stuffed Operation Christmas boxes, bought presents for the
poor, dropping them off as a “secret Santa” surprise, or picked the most
expensive Angel Tree option to bless a child with, we had NO IDEA what we now know. We thought it was enough.
I believe others may not either, and so it is
with love that I present this story to you in hope that you will understand the
power of your giving in a new way, so
that you are able to minister to people in their place of true need through the
giving of yourself in addition to any
material and physical things.
** *
It was Christmas season, around 2012. We had
been living below the national poverty line, for a few years, due to the
catalyst of Scott’s accident. The financial uncertainties were exhausting. I
had to constantly be on top of our budget and be very careful to plan for
everything, be creative, and say no to a lot of things. However, we were
staying afloat. God had clearly been with us to lead and direct us in our
commitment to remain debt-free, continue to be benevolent givers, and maintain
a home with healthy food on our table.
I started to notice that every Christmas, after
Scott’s accident, we would receive extra funds and gifts from various
organizations and people. It was honestly much needed relief for our budget. It
gave me once a year to lift the burden of wondering how we would get through
the last ten days of that particular month, or it gave me hope that we would
have an emergency fund to back us up if we needed something. It was always a
blessing to finally have some wiggle room to just splurge and go eat out once
at Chipotle and not have to cook or clean one of our meals myself!
I was
grateful for the holiday relief; however, none of the donations brought the
true desire of my heart; friendships.
This particular Christmas, I was driving the
kids home when I received a call on my cell. It was from a woman who was new in
our life, but who had taken extra effort to deliver groceries that were being
donated by another family on my doorstep every few weeks.
“Rachelle, are you home? I have some gift cards
for your kids for Christmas. I want to drop them off on my way back to my
house.” she told me.
“Scott is home, but I am almost there. I am only
a stoplight away. I will be there in less than five minutes.” I told her.
“I’m going to just drop them off with him then.”
she said.
“I’m almost there. Please wait for me. I will be
there in just a few minutes. I would love to see you and say thank you in
person.” I was so excited to see another adult; I needed to see another adult.
“I can’t stay. I was just going to drop these
off, and then I have to leave to go make dinner for my family…”
“Please wait. I’m turning left at the light
right now. I’ll be there in a minute.” I could hear my desperation for her to
stay and wait for me in my own voice.
I don’t remember how we left it. But I remember
the excitement I felt as I tried to rush home, so I could catch her in my
driveway. I also remember when I pulled up, and she wasn’t in my driveway, I
hoped I had beat her there.
I walked into my house, and there, on the top of
the foyer bookshelf, were three $20 Target gift cards. I picked them up, and
then I burst into sobs.
The pain I felt in my heart ran all through my
soul. I felt devastated. I felt insignificant. I felt unworthy. I felt
unnoticed and unheard. I felt guilty that I was crying more than I was
grateful.
I felt like our family was totally alone in this
super hard journey, and there were no clues that it would end anytime soon.
Our family receiving donations at Christmas, or
from Christians at other times in the year, was no longer satisfying to my
soul; people’s generous giving, without their personal touch to us, started to
seem shallow and almost offensive to the gospel message.
** *
Never discount the power of a phone call, giving
your time to listen, to care, or to carry some of the weight. That could be one of the most valuable gifts of all.
If Jesus is the real “reason for the season”,
how are you giving Him away to those you care about?
He
says, “There is no greater
love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” John 15:13 NLT ♥
Rachelle
Suzanne | www.SOCKS.team
Servant’s of Christ’s Kingdom Serving
(Written for 40Dandelions)
