Where is her mother?
I saw the little girl playing with my daughter, but as I scanned I could not find the adult who was watching over her. She was too young to be left alone at a large park like this.
What kind of mother would do that?
* * *
We had been coming home when I noticed a traffic jam on the highway. So, I quickly changed plans and drove through a small town near our house. Spontaneously, I decided we should go ahead and stop and have dinner ("Thank you traffic!"). After we ate dinner, my youngest son spontaneously decided we should play at the park after dinner was over.
 |
| Big Park in a Small Town [Google Maps Screen Capture] |
So, we let our three children play. My husband and I were enjoying the fresh air when I noticed the young girl with no parental supervision.
She was laughing hysterically with my daughter as they played on the tire swing. When they both came over towards us, I started asking her questions.
"How old are you?"
"Seven", she replied.
"Are you here alone?" I asked more.
"Yes."
There it was. Confirmation that she was there alone! In today's world, how can anyone not know that you do not ever leave your children alone at a public park?
Just for fun... just to see how vulnerable she was... I kept asking her questions.
My husband listened as I probed.
"Where is your mother?" I asked.
"She's at home."
"Where is your house?"
"It's over there." She pointed caddy-corner to the park. There was no one on the front yard watching for her. The doors and windows were completely shut. The blinds were not even open. I knew without a doubt that if I was a "bad guy" I could pick this child up and take her away from that park, and her mother would have no idea what happened to her. This made me so mad and sad for the vulnerability of this child.
 |
| [Google Maps Screen Capture] |
I kept going. My oldest daughter was sitting beside us listening. If for no other reason, I was using this opportunity to give her a teachable moment.
"Didn't your mother teach you not to talk with strangers?" I asked. I was holding nothing back. I wanted this child to understand she was doing something dangerous.
"She said as long as they have kids they are okay. And I know the rule, 'A stranger's not a stranger if you know them for a day'."
I am sure I made eyes at my husband.
I could not believe what I just heard.
The conversation went on and on. Without telling too much personal information, I can tell you we learned a lot about this child and her mother (and her lack of a father and the little girl's feelings about that).
Suddenly an internal transition was taking place as my questions got deeper and deeper.
Rather than holding onto my stance that her mother was neglectful, and I needed to go correct her (for the safety of her daughter), I started to realize this was a family in trouble. This was a mother who needed help and support.
The little girl became very thirsty. I was ready to pack it up and call it a night. So, when she stood up to leave, I was thankful we could call our children back and leave. But, she turned and said, "Will you be here for a little bit? I need to go get a drink of water."
I did not want to stay. I had things I wanted to do that night. We had already been detoured and then had taken two other "detours" on the way home (dinner and the park). But, I looked right at her and I knew she needed us to stay. She wanted us to stay.
"Absolutely." I replied. We were not going anywhere.
What seven year old girl would connect with an adult that fast to the point she would ask you to stay until she returns? I knew at that moment God was doing something. He was using us.
While she was gone, we started talking about the idea to bless her on her birthday. She had told us she would be having a birthday in a few weeks. We could come to town and drop a present off on her doorstep. If her mother was single, had just moved there, and was working two minimum wage jobs (all information we had gotten in our conversation), then she must need help with birthday type issues for this little girl.
Then, I started to think out loud that we ought to bring the mother some money as a blessing as well. My husband mentioned that he had $95 cash in the car that he had brought. I had forgotten about that! That would make it more efficient for me. Just do it now and not have to make a special trip to get cash later. I had $5 in my purse, that would make a nice $100 blessing before we left that we could take to her mother.
The little girl came back carrying a glass of milk. She explained that she could not get water so she got milk instead. This perplexed me, so I asked more questions.
"Do you not have water in your house?" I was thinking their poverty must be much worse than we thought if she cannot even get a glass of water.
"No. My mom has all the stuff in the kitchen and so I could not reach the sink."
Now I have to be honest. I was imagining a poor house AND a dirty house.
I kept asking questions and finally I understood why she could not get water.
"My mom took everything out of our bedrooms and put it in the kitchen while she sprays the house. There are cockroaches everywhere. It's an infestation. They're on the walls...."
As I watched her explain this to us, I really thought I could see her blushing. I wondered if a seven year old would feel ashamed of having to say such a thing to a stranger? Does she know the stigma that she is describing? Or was she squirmish because of the trauma of having to experience what that feels like and then remember it while you talk about it?
My mind flashed to an experience we had with just a few cockroaches in a furnished apartment we had rented for $800/month. I could not stand it. It was filthy. The whole month I kept having to spray them on contact. It was not a great experience. But, I now understood why her mom had sent her to the park alone.
That's just it.
They were alone.
They were alone.
She had to clean out the whole place with the chemicals she was spraying, and to keep the girl safe from those fumes she was putting her in a different potentially unsafe environment.
We would stay with her. We would keep her safe.
Judgement gone. On-call Servants of Christ's Kingdom reporting for duty to serve.
Right about then, we were surprised when her mom pulled up to the park and called her to come to her. She quickly got up and said good-bye.
It was getting dusk and we needed to go as well. We started to head to our car. We definitely wanted to go ahead and give her mom the $100 cash. It was easier now that she showed up, and I did not have to go knock on her door. I also would not leave with good intentions and then forget to come back.
So, I got the cash in hand and started to walk across the parking lot to her truck. Then, I started to second guess the whole idea.
 |
| Photo Source: wikipedia.org |
I did not want to insult her? What if she was offended that we were judging her as needy or poor or needing a hand out? She had not asked for one? I did not want to hurt her feelings.
I turned back to my family and started to question if we should go through with it. The pressure was on because the little girl had gotten in the truck. My eleven year old was saying, "Mom... do it!" She was excited to be a blessing.
Then, I turned, walked up to her and said something like, "Mam... Our family feels like the Lord wants us to give this to you. Would it be okay if we blessed you with $100?"
Silence.
Then she buried her face in her hands and she started to cry.
Within a few moments, I knew it was good crying.
She started to tell me her story.
In short, she had rented this house a few months ago from a man "As Is". It did not take long for her to realize there was a cockroach infestation. She had a company come out and give her an $800 quote to help her which she could not afford. They told her that most likely the landlord knew of this infestation when he rented the place to her.
She had about 9 months left on her lease. Even if she wanted to go somewhere else, I already knew (based on the information her daughter shared) that was not a likely option for them.
I boldly asked what her rent was. She said it was around $300/month. That pretty much sealed the question in my mind if we should help her move or if we should help her tackle the issue.
A moment of honesty and transparency here.
We just wanted to give her $100.00. I thought that was nice. I could obey God and move on with our night. Now here we are, the sun is going down, and we are getting deeper and deeper into learning about her situation, her crisis. I have a choice to make... walk away, pray for her, pray for her and walk away, or do something to help her. Yes, it's more time. Possibly more money. But how can I walk away?
When I compare what blessings we have with where she is, we are not in that crisis. We could help.
She told me that she had been removing all the paneling off the walls and throwing it out. She also said she had taken the rug up (where a lot of the infestation was) and was trying to shove it out the door to the trash pile. It was heavy and large and she was getting frustrated when she cried out, "Jesus. I need your help!".
Then she continued to cry as she pointed out...
and there I was offering her cash and help.
and there I was offering her cash and help.
Immediately, I found an amazing connection. I told her of the time I too was crying out to Jesus in the car one day. I said, "Jesus, I am calling you on the carpet. I need help!" Within minutes, I had parked my car and a stranger walked up to me and said, "This might sound strange, but I felt like to Lord told me to come ask you, 'Do you need help?'" I too had stared in disbelief at the immediate answer to my call for help.
When I told her this story, she laughed and said, "Yeah, but I really did call him 'on the carpet'."
We both laughed at the irony. I am sure we both felt deeply of the blessing of Him working and answering in our lives.
We started to discuss the shortcomings we had personally experienced are a part of the body of Christ (her church and mine) not being equipped to help people in their chronic situations. One comment that stuck out was her saying that she had asked her church for help and only one 88 year old man had volunteered to come the next day to see what he could do to help. She talked about how disgusted it had made her when her own church did a "single mom outreach" event, and yet she received no help. She said, "What about taking care of the ones in your own family first?"
It was time to go and I offered to pray with and for her.
Her daughter and my daughters all listening.
I broke the curse of poverty and called in the Blessing in Jesus' name. I am not sure all that was said, but I know the Lord was there with us and it was done.
I felt strong.
It seemed she felt stronger.
I felt strong.
It seemed she felt stronger.
What next?
I gave my cell phone number and took hers. I wanted to be a lifeline if she needs it; although I'll admit that is a big responsibility to offer and follow through if called upon. I made myself vulnerable, but how many times have I needed one and I did not know who to call. Everyone needs to know they are not alone and have someone. At the very least, I know God and have seen Him do much in my own life, I can at least share my hope and try to spark hers.
I bravely offered for them to stay with us for the night if they just did not want to go back into their home. They were having to leave for 2-3 hours to avoid the fumes. She appreciated the offer but already had plans for the evening set up for them.
So, I at least committed that I would call my bug spray guy and pay to have him come and at least do the outside of her property.
We said goodbye.
The next day, I called our pest control guy. I told him the situation. He went out about three or four days later and sprayed. I gave them permission to do whatever they needed to do to solve the problem and told them we would pay for it.
(Confession: That is still hard for me to do that with full trust that it is the right thing to do. I think as I am growing in my giving, this is another stage of growth to be achieved where I don't even have that second thought to wonder how much it will be and what will I do if it's too much, etc.)
I have learned I have to exercise my generosity and faith muscles. I must continue to discipline myself in the area of finances to "give as I am able" and to "not withhold good when it is in my power to do so".
"No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however,
it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those
who have been trained by it."
Hebrews 12:11 NIV
"Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due,
When it is in the power of your hand to do so.
Proverbs 3:27 NKJV
I texted her that the pest control service would be coming. She texted back her gratitude and told me that she had told her mom what had happened the night before, and her mom cried.
The pest control bill came to a total of $108.00. The owner of the company told me that they not only did her house but the house right next door as it was also infested and would re-infest her home (the houses are just a few feet away from each other at best). He understood our attempt to bless, and he jumped in and finished it out only charging us his cost for paying his employee and their chemical costs.
Giving is contagious! Once one person starts the process, I think others want to jump in and contribute what they can too.
What started out as a detour turned out to be an opportunity to be used by God in another mighty way!
What started out as a detour turned out to be an opportunity to be used by God in another mighty way!
